Summoning - "Lugburz"

Summoning – “Lugburz”

Summoning - "Lugburz"

Summoning – “Lugburz”

Well, at least Summoning uses some real instruments this time, rather than the digital MIDI crap that appears on “Dol Guldur” and “With Doom We Come“.

But the music on their debut “Lugburz” is still irrevocably terrible, and sucks even when compared to the worst and most mediocre of the dreaded war metal scene – that’s Archgoat, btw, and even they wipe the floor with Summoning’s faux black metal.

In fact, if you were to make the argument that the black metal scene has descended completely and irrevocably into deeper and deeper depths of retardation and self-parody, “Lugburz” would be a great release to support your point.

Honestly, if you wanted to say black metal was done for, and your entire argument was simply playing this, I would probably flip over the table and say “FUCK IT, UR RITE” before storming off and buying some “Locked up in Hell” CDs.

This album is fucking horrible, like all of Summoning’s “music”. Seriously, and I guess it makes sense that this is associated with other similarly terrible and self-parodizing project Ice Ages. The one good thing I can think about “Lugburz” is that it made Summoning realize that they weren’t musicians and thus couldn’t play their instruments, so they simply switched to FL Studio following this album and now create everything digitally with shitty MIDI loops. I mean, even the vocals are autotuned on “Oath Bound“… seriously.

Imagine for a moment a version of the first Burzum album recorded by a mentally retarded person. The result is probably very similar to this. Summoning’s music is uniformly slow and meandering, and, it should go without saying, ball-breakingly boring and obnoxious.

“Lugburz” is a new level of insipid… the overly primitive programmed drums lumber away at their one or two beats per song while a terribly recorded guitar – at least it’s not MIDI this time, as on the following albums – meanders away with the same three or four notes over the top. The (autotuned, of course, for those who can’t actually sing) vocals are like five decibels louder than any of the instruments, so they drown out the terrible music any time they pop in. I’m not really sure if I should consider that a pro or a con, really.

This is about the definition of fake black metal. It’s just not “real music”, in the same way that hot Russian chick that keeps messaging you on Facebook with offers for free iPhone cases is just not your “real girlfriend”. Get over it.

I’m not sure why Summoning, given the type of shit music the band produced, has a position of so much greater legitimacy than, I don’t know, SatanicGoatHitler1488 or whatever the fuck the kids are listening to these days.

Just go listen to “Dawn of Iron Blades” and “Hvis Lyset Tar Oss“, two albums Summoning shamelessly attempts to plagiarise (and, predictably, fails every time).

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