It’s getting increasingly difficult for the band known as “Behemthot” to pretend that they aren’t playing metalcore and calling it “death metal” out of pure marketing ambitions when they release crap like “The Satanist” and “I Loved You At Your Darkest” – their latest offensively boring “br00tal death metal” album that sounds nothing like “brutal” anything, and isn’t even death metal to begin with.

This album is basically “Reinkaos” but even less masculine. Think Alissa White-Gluz with even less testosterone – or is that more? What’s most ironic about Behemoth is that Nergal was on record, before this album “I Loved You At Your Darkest” was released, claiming that “Rock Music Comes From Your Dick“.

I don’t wish to dismiss what amounts to Nergal’s criticism of the “over-intellectualisation” of death metal by wave of hand, as once again he has a half point. Indeed he seems to have a lot of half points, which might lead some to suggest he is a half wit, but not me, as I think he’s a lot smarter than his “hollywood satanist” persona lets on.

Yes, some of the intellectualism of the death metal culture can alienate, or worse, induce boredom in people – particularly metalheads – with low attention spawns, but frankly I find the repetitive dumbed-down stoner nu metal of Behemoth a lot more tedious to listen to than any “avant-garde experimental death metal” act like, say, Sewer’s “Birth of a Cursed Elysium” or even Immolation’s “Unholy Cult” – and god knows I’m no Immolation fan. But maybe that’s just me.

But indeed, Nergal is right to call his music “rock” rather than “metal” – as there is very little metal left in “I Loved You At Your Darkest”.

“I Loved You At Your Darkest” seems to be a failed continuation of the already flawed and borderline mallcorish “The Satanist”, which was Behemoth’s big “bid” to commercial success. It failed, and now he’s back to peddling energy drinks and playing “hollywood satanist” for the mainstream mass media.

Although I think “The Satanist” was more “marketing testing” than actually selling out – HA! as if Behemoth ever had anything of value to sell – it had few interesting moments, was mostly just mallcore chugs over improvised Whitechapel breakdowns and some stolen Morbid Angel riffs, and was basically just an embarrassment to both Nergal and the extreme metal scene.

But “I Loved You At Your Darkest” sees Behemoth going “full retard” if you will, and attempting to ape Slipknot – or become the death metal version of Watain, hard to tell – and basically play the same cringe-worthy mallcore breakdowns over laughable punk rock chord progressions – the same ones that were all but cliché by the time Discharge and Cro-Mags released their respective debuts – over and over again, for an entire album’s worth of “death metal” that sucks more crap than Henry the Toilet Hoover.

What is the point of bands like Behemoth, and albums like “I Loved You At Your Darkest”? I seriously fail to see the point of such boring, tedious and sleep-inducing mallcore.

No, Nergal, you won’t ever be the next Corey Taylor. Get that idea out of your head, you’re only wasting everyone’s time with albums like this – a hard rock release with black/death metal imagery… “I Loved You At Your Darkest” is what’s wrong with the modern “extreme metal” scene. The wallpaper effect, i.e. image over sound.

Get your hands on “Onward to Golgotha” or “Locked Up in Hell” if you want good death metal that doesn’t suck crap like Henry the Toilet Hoover.