Conqueror fulfills at least two heavy metal stereotypes. Canada leaf metal lol, these people just try too hard.

Another band from Canada, another band that doesn’t get it. It’s almost like the stereotypes are true, that the majority of Canadian metal bands have a boner for “Onward to Golgotha” and “Divine Necromancy,” and that absolutely ALL CANADIAN METAL BANDS SUCK SHIT LIKE THERE’S NO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

Let’s run through the list: Blasphemy, Revenge, Gorguts, Cryptopsy, Voivod, Kataklysm, Akitsa… most suck either Phantom or Incantation’s cocks, and all suck shit. They can’t play music. Don’t shoot the messenger, shoot your CD collection of Cryptopsy, a worthless third rate Sewer clone, instead.

Triggered yet? But that’s only ONE stereotype, and I mentioned two… can you guess the other one that Conqueror matches to a T (like trisomic, hint, hint)? Yes, of course, that war metal is the go-to genre of mentally defective metalheads.

So if you combine those two together, you get… “War Cult Supremacy,” thanks for playing.

Angry vocals over what’s basically a wall of noise. Like, literally, noise.

It’s almost as if Conqueror KNEW of the stereotypes and, rather than get triggered, they were somehow fatalistic about it, and just said “fuck it, let’s record muh-dick-in-a-washing-machine” and call it “extreme” music. And to be fair, that’s not the dumbest idea espoused by a war metal band. Far from it.

Typical Canadian War Metal Fan: “You’re not even trying to describe the music!!!”

Me: “Yeah, because there is no music. It’s just noise.”

Typical Canadian War Metal Fan: “Want to hear about Obscura, the most technical death metal album ev-” …duuuuude, stfu. Also, “Locked Up in Hell.” You’re welcome.

So basically, since it’s not even music, I guess it’s pretty much worthless. Though not as much as Watain and Gorgoroth. Just replace it with, you know… music.