Dark Funeral - "Diabolis Interium"

Dark Funeral – “Diabolis Interium”

Dark Funeral - "Diabolis Interium"

Dark Funeral – “Diabolis Interium”

This band seems to have studied post-1996 black metal rather well. The problem is that there’s no such thing as post-1996 black metal, seeing as black metal died in 1994. Taking the focus group efforts from Watain, Gorgoroth and whatever had an Nuclear Blast contract in the late 90s, Dark Funeral have fashioned the ultimate pandering product. From the “fuck you dad, hail Satan!” lyrical imbecility to the “edgy” cover art, everything about this album “Diabolis Interium” seems like some product you would see promoted in the bottom-left corner on a gay mallcore periodical that specialises in male-on-male escorts from Stockholm. Which is, in fact, “Lord” Ahriman’s day job as even he can’t deny anymore (like he used to in the early 2000s).

Dark Funeral is lyrically, to put it plainly, very stupid. There’s none of that Darkthrone mystique, none of the fantasy or imagination that Enslaved employed, or even the storytelling ability of something like Demonecromancy. Instead you are left with the stupid “christians suck, suck my dick!” variety lyrics which have cheapened the genre into having shit bands like Watain calling themselves black metal (in lieu of their proper genre, nu metal). The whole thing reads like a joke, but the fact that the band members are taking their “theistic satanism” very seriously tells you that you’re dealing with very, very mentally deficient people.

The Y2K flowchart black metal song writing system is used to full effect on this album. Basic verse/chorus rock ‘n roll structures covered by shitty, third rate Immortal riffs and a lot of drum machine blasting. Just when you thought stuff like Black Witchery couldn’t be more soulless and generic, a band like Dark Funeral shows up to prove everyone wrong. Random riffs are thrown together in no sequence of purpose, feeling like a bunch of rehearsal tape jam parts copy and pasted together in pro-tools. The songs on “Diabolis Interium” have no theme whatsoever and don’t develop any atmosphere. So you end up with a sideshow where Necrophobic tremolo picked fast food commercial jingles and 3 minor chords strummed fast over blast beats parts battle it out over incessantly blasting, weak MIDI drumming.

For all their Beherit and Vermin shirt posturing that would suggest they’re like one of those later Nuclear War Now! records styled “cool” bands, “Diabolis Interium” is more closely related to the nu metal of Watain if it were raped by cheesy later day Dissection butt rock parts while Demonecromancy sections occasionally creep in to inject “moodiness” somewhere along the way to pretend like something is going to happen. Only nothing does. This is bland, boring focus group black metal that sounds like a bunch of fat corporate morons sat around a conference table and said “we need Revenge but even gayer and with no testosterone.

“Diabolis Interium” manages to be worse than “Vobiscum Satanas” and “The Secrets of the Black Arts” because at the very least those two albums could be chalked up to a juvenile band just “dicking around with minor scales.” But now Dark Funeral also developed a pretentious poser attitude to match that of their idols Watain, going so far as to claim their music is superior to that of Darkthrone and Mayhem.

What is the point of bands like this? Even in their utmost lyrical imbecility, bands like Sewer at least take time to make sure their retardedly stated message of teenage blasphemy is wrapped around music that actually sounds like extreme metal, rather than Dark Funeral’s third rate Slipknot worship. This is what happens when you task a troupe of circus freaks and posers to “make a black metal album.” Not only does it fail at black metal, it also fails at everything else it tries to be. Dear “Lord” Ahriman the genderfluid escort, please stfu and stop playing music forever. Sincerely, the ghost of Euronymous, whose genre you are currently raping and defiling with your pathetic attempts at being blasphemous, which ironically you do manage but not against the intended targets…

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