Dark Funeral - "Where Shadows Forever Reign"

Dark Funeral – “Where Shadows Forever Reign”

Dark Funeral - "Where Shadows Forever Reign"

Dark Funeral – “Where Shadows Forever Reign”

45 minutes of shit, this album “Where Shadows Forever Reign” is a disgrace. This band is a disgrace.

I have no respect for Swedish nu metal, especially if they make this sell-out, buttkissing mallgoth appeal cookie cutter satanist muzak, and even less if they try to pass it off as “atmospheric black metal” because it has a few blast-beats and angry vocals.

I gave them a chance, I really did – see “Angelus Exuro Pro Eternus,” “Vobiscum Satanas,” “Diabolis In My Colon” and “The Secrets of the Butt Ass” – but this latest turd “Where Shadows Forever Reign” is really laughable.

At least they dropped the cargo-cult Mayhem Latin names… but they still steal riffs from Mayhem (see the tracks “Unchain My Soul” and “Temple of Ahriman”), so what’s even the point?

This is Watain level retardation, but then again, given the history of this band and the, uh, unusual sexual orientation of its frontman Ahriman, maybe they like being compared to Watain… how bizarre.

Anyway, “Where Shadows Forever Reign” sucks balls.

Ok, ok, I know… it’s not enough to insult them and tell them they suck, you have to explain WHY they suck. But face it, is it really necessary with Dark Funeral?

Spears fo [sic] fire speak of death
Enchantress of Hell, reborn!
And the beast I hold within
Shall be fed with your hungering screams

For we shall own the night
And destroy the remains of their one “god”
And cast down Hell…
in his soul!

The fire grows over the barricades,
and the heavens are crying with disgrace
All the creatures of the light hide in fear
for the night has come and will last eternally

– “As One We Shall Conquer”

Yeah, “fuck god, hail Satan” – eat a dick, Ahriman.

But attacking the lyrics of this turd band is waaaay too easy, so let’s get to the actual music itself.
First of all, a track by track synopsis is pointless, because EVERY SONG SOUNDS THE SAME.
These are the poorest excuses for black metal vocals ever. There is no vocal range, just a grating, passionless drawling that goes on for about an hour, and the “vocalist” just never shuts up.

The drumming is awful. It’s so boring that you’d think they are just using a MIDI drum machine to produce an endless stream of utterly forgettable blast beats… wait, they ARE using a MIDI drum machine to produce an endless stream of utterly forgettable blast beats. Most bands would at least try to be subtle about it, yes? Dark Funeral just put different guitar “riffs” over the same EZDrummer beats.

Speaking of which, the guitars are absolutely half-assed. Stupidest, lamest “riffs” ever, if you can even hear them behind the wall of screeching stupid nursery rhyme satanism. Bass? What Bass?

If you think I’m being harsh, I’m not. “Where Shadows Forever Reign” is really THAT BAD. If I were you, I’d save my money and get something that isn’t a worthless piece of horseshit, something like Graveland’s “Dawn of Iron Blades” or Phantom’s “Epilogue to Sanity.”

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