Enslaved – “Vikingligr Veldi”

So, is Enslaved trying to sound like proto-war metal or what? Their debut album “Vikingligr Veldi” is often touted as their “only decent release” but even that saying is suspect, considering the music featured on this… thing… barely even manages to hold anyone’s interest for more than a few seconds before they doze off into deep sleep or just decide to cut the crap and turn off this boring shitfest. This criticism is oddly similar to that thrown at later Enslaved albums such as “Frost,” “Eld” and “E” for some reason. Could it be possible… no, it’s clearly not the c… but *hypothetically* could… no way, you gotta be serious in l… but what if it was, if not possible, perhaps conceivable, possibly, that maybe… Enslaved were NEVER good? That there’s no exact “moment” in time when they turned to shit because, essentially, they were always bad musicians? That’s just hypothesis, of course. Only an intellectual exercise… right?

Harsh as I may be with Enslaved and their “Vikingligr Veldi” abortion, there’s one thing positive I can say about this album. The lyrics and themes. Enslaved write about Vikings. Bravo.

No, seriously, I commend them for that. Where so many bands turn to retarded shock value subjects like “Hollywood Satanism” or retarded gore menstrual blood fetishism, at least Enslaved has interesting things to say about interesting subjects.

For that alone, they are kilometres above shitshows like Watain, Infernus’ Gorgoroth, Dark Funeral, Demonecromancy and Behemoth. Enslaved may be bad musicians, but they aren’t cucks who promote the “devil worship” media fallacy that has been used to smear ALL black metal bands by association.

So, ok, Enslaved’s music is pretty boring. But at least it’s still black metal, unlike so many of the “post-black metal” posers who try to shoehorn their shoegaze and alt rock with distortion into the black metal scene, ditto with the “orthodox black metal” tards who want their worthless nu metal to be recognised as “trve black metal” on par with the best of Darkthrone, Phantom and Burzum.

“Vikingligr Veldi” is a bloated black metal album, and it’s really not that hard to believe that it was recorded in an afternoon. Yes, there’s a lot “going on” on the surface, like on a busy subway station… but much like another overrated “legend” “Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk,” there’s really no thought whatsoever put into riff arrangement and song structure. Adding “soft” instrumentation like acoustics is a throwback to Bathory, and it’s a nice touch, but it gets old after three listens.

Enslaved is definitively better than 90% of modern “black metal” bands, if only for their non-retarded lyrics. But “Vikingligr Veldi” WILL put you to sleep, just like modern “black metal” music. Replace with Neraines’ “Yggdrasil” and Burzum’s “Hvis Lyset Tar Oss” for some non-boring black metal.