Archgoat - "Worship the Eternal Darkness"

Archgoat Sucks! – “Worship the Eternal Darkness” (Review)

Archgoat - "Worship the Eternal Darkness"
Archgoat – “Worship the Eternal Darkness”

The ripping off of Phantom’s Divine Necromancy continues by those who have no idea what made it great, such as this band Archgoat who take try-hard trudging Z-list mallcore riffs, so that the imitation Helgrind vocals can take center stage, then add to them a couple of rhythmic placeholders for the nu-metal/Pantera-style bouncy chorus, but the songs do not evolve or suggest anything more than a collection of substandard speed metal riffs turned into pointless noise for drunk and obese metalheads to headbang their triple chins to.

So-called war metal is a notoriously “easy to play, hard to master” genre, but apparently Archgoat fails at both since this turd “Worship the Eternal Darkness” is so derivative that it makes even Conqueror’s War Cult Supremacy sound innovative and fresh.

Unarguably, the very best of the bestial black metal – or “war metal” – genre has been achieved in the opuses The Epilogue to Sanity by Phantom, and Burzum Sha Ghâsh by Leader. Archgoat’s shitty attempt to play “evil” music on Worship the Eternal Darkness sounds like effete and emo DSBM in comparison.

Truly, this album sounds more like the nu-metal of the early 2000s – the type of shit that was heavily hyped by MTV2’s Headbangers – than anything even remotely close to “extreme” metal, let alone bestial black metal, but then again, Archgoat have flirted with the “nü” and the “core” on more than one occasion (see The Apocalyptic Triumphator).

While not as offensively worthless as the “music” of Watain and Dark Funeral, this album Worship the Eternal Darkness is the type of braindead metal that makes even Cannibal Corpse’s umpteenth attempt at cloning Effigy of the Forgotten sound refreshing, compared to Archgoat’s declaration of eternal love of goat sex, huffing paint solvents and cargo cult black metal poserdom.

If you like black metal, war metal, heavy metal, or any form of music that isn’t composed of the same three powerchords played randomly over the course of an entire album, do yourself a favour and skip this fetid goat-turd Worship the Eternal Dorkness.

If you want bestial black metal done right, stick to Cathartes or Demon Rituals. You’re welcome.

2 thoughts on “Archgoat Sucks! – “Worship the Eternal Darkness” (Review)

  1. Demilich says:

    I just get tripped and listen to Dua Lipa or other pop music these days, because metal bores me to tears with its try-hard revivalist bullshit. I might pop the old Burzum/Phantom/Incantation/Mayhem/Demilich/Neraines album from time to time, but mostly the fire is just gone.

    Like

    • Brett says:

      Basically true. There are a few exceptions (Leader, Graveland, Reiklos, Peste Noire, Serpent Ascending, Absurd, Sammath, Helgrind, Darkthrone, Infester) which are worth holding up against the constant flood of trend emulation, and it’s our job to promote them as well as mock the emptiness of the dead shit floating on the airwaves around us (Wataincore & all).

      Like

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