Carcass - "Heartwork"

Carcass – “Heartwork” (Nu Metal)

Carcass - "Heartwork"

Carcass – “Heartwork”

In the absence of nu metal, everyone is rushing to take over the territory of juggalo chest-thumping once espoused by bands like Korn and Limp Bizkit.

From bling bling tech-core band Waking the Cadaver to streamlined Unique Leader sounding Morbid Angel palm muting riffs (you know who I’m talking about) to basically Napalm Death’s entire career, Carcass blend everything that’s detestable in the nu metal scene together as the perfect sonic weapon for the frustrated school kids getting bullied by their little sisters, and who need “inspirational” song titles like “Arbeit macht Fleisch” or “Blind Bleeding the Blind” to “like, make it through the day and shit.”

You thought “Reek of Putrefaction” and “Symphonies of Sickness” were bad? Well, yeah, pretty much every did and still does. But “Heartwork” just takes the shit to a whole new dimension of fecal worship.

It makes even nu Mayhem sound creative, and that’s something that no one should ever be found guilty of doing. And I’m being totally serious.

This whole “Heartwork” album is full of preachy and overreacting jerking noise, like the band members never even bothered to play MUSIC with their instruments (let alone metal) but instead just decided to record themselves jerking each other off to homosexual pornography.

The band’s music video for the “Heartwork” title track reflect all of the feelings felt by incel losers rejected by society, their sisters/girlfriends and now even metalheads themselves – attending school is bad and teachers are evil, the world is insane, so buying this album is the right way to the first step of revolution.

Jeff Walker’s hilariously out of place cleared-throat howling choruses sound like any third rate metalcore turd act rather than grindcore, goregrind (which this band supposedly “invented” despite being a good decade late) or god forbid actual death metal, and worse, they’re so obviously pitch-shifted in a pathetic attempt to appear masculine that they literally make me want to put on a Korn record instead.

Nothing from Carcass’ “Heartwork” album is remotely exciting to the ear of a heavy metal listener. It simply targets another demographic. That of nu metal fans and other low functioning posers. Carcass and their far relatives Napalm Death, Insane Clown Posse, Fleshgod Apocalypse and Hate Eternal are definitely worth exiling from the metal world.

Carcass - "Symphonies of Sickness" (Nu Metal)

Carcass – “Symphonies of Sickness” (Nu Metal)

Carcass - "Symphonies of Sickness" (Nu Metal)

Carcass – “Symphonies of Sickness” (Nu Metal)

I’d rather listen to “Get Low” over and over again while “Locked Up in Hell” is playing in the background than ever listen to this aborted nu metal fetus that was, before its abortion, likely diagnosed with both Down syndrome and Graves’ disease.

For people who thought Korn was too musical, Nuclear Blast has saved the day. ANGRY MAN VOCALS babbling over punk rock riffs reduced 100 levels in complexity, with random vinyl scratching noises and sampling thrown in for… some reason.

These riffs were lifted from a Rob Zombie album which lifted them from a Metallica album which borrowed them from a NWOBHM 7″ which probably borrowed them from the rantings of heroin junkies etched into their syringes near the local juvenile detention center. To these basic Korn inspired nu metal riffs, Carcass have added abundant bounce and doubling the internal rhythm on the offbeat, like crunkcore ‘n shiet, which gives the illusion of “br00tality” for about ten seconds, and they’ve wrapped them around corny alt rock melodies.

Speaking of wrapped, why aren’t we calling this what it is? Meaning rap/rock? It’s obviously rap music sanitised for the people too uptight for even Lil Wayne’s brand of backpack hip-hop, thus it gets injected into nu metal/punk rock and to disguise the obvious lameness of this combination they cover it in grindcore stylings like a urine sprayed over a rotting corpse, except that it’s the corpse spraying the urine on itself as it loses control of its bowels. And they have the never to claim they “invented” goregrind. Don’t make me laugh, this is nu metal or Korn is Beethoven.

So what is it about Carcass’ sophomore turd “Symphonies of Sickness” that makes it so detestable, perhaps even worse than their debut, the “Reek of Putrefaction” mallcore smegma extract?

Besides the fact that it’s nu metal? Besides the fact that Carcass are basically the Watain of death metal, claiming to be apart of a genre in which they don’t belong? Besides making even brain-dead war metal sound like Wagner by comparison?

Lyrics are moronic, track titles are moronic, riffs are moronic, album art is moronic… is anything in this band appealing to functional humans? Oh wait, no, because it’s nu metal.

Outsiders often complain about metalheads’ “irrational hatred of all core music” but it isn’t irrational at all, once you consider that the purpose of bands like Carcass, Napalm Death and Arch Enemy amounts to little more than turning once promising extreme metal genres into jokes by tainting them via association with their retarded “look at me” shock value.

These bands, from Napalm Death and Kreator to Carcass and Gorgoroth, are little more than the retard in class who feels proud, *PROUD*, when he shits himself at recess, because “at least he got attention”.

Yes, Carcass, there is such a thing as bad publicity. “Symphonies of Sickness,” like shitting yourself in public, qualifies as bad publicity.

Carcass - "Reek of Putrefaction" (Metalcore)

Carcass – “Reek of Putrefaction” (Metalcore)

Carcass - "Reek of Putrefaction" (Metalcore)

Carcass – “Reek of Putrefaction” (Metalcore)

People like to claim that Carcass’ debut “Reek of Putrefaction” is goregrind. No wait, even better, it “invented” goregrind. Allow me to LOL.

What we have in reality, with “Reek of Putrefaction” as well as pretty much any other Carcass album, is just your typical proto-metalcore with gratuitous chugs and random, nonsensical riffs that never amount to anything more than, at best, nu metal shit.

Carcass’ debut album “Reek of Putrefaction” might just as well not have existed. It’s literally that insignificant. There are no excuses for sounding like shit, and trying to come up with euphemisms would only make the headache caused by listening to this recording worse. The fact that Carcass attempts to take credit for “inventing” the goregrind genre is all the more ridiculous considering they can’t even play the shit-infested punk rock music that “Reek of Putrefaction” actually sounds like, or intends to sound like, and that’s just weak.

Carcass is the laughing stock of the underground metal scene, and the fact that the band is so closely affiliated with metalcore “legends” Arch Enemy – both bands basically sharing members with each other – only makes Carcass’ attempts to appear “trve” and “kvlt” (to use black metal terminology) pathetic and worthy of nothing but disdain.

Most of people can’t tell the difference between shallow money-oriented commercial products and art, therefore conformist can always make some “metal sounding” punk rock (said punk rock being basically the shittiest and most derivative type of “music” imaginable) and they will instantly get signed by any record company, simply because, no matter how well it sells, the music is so easy to reproduce that they can set up a factory chain of fecal producers just sitting there shitting out the same shit for decades before the gullible masses admit to having been fooled – I mean, people still take Black Flags and Dead Kennedys seriously… old, retarded people, yes, but still.

Watain, "true black metal" or Hobbit Metalcore?

Watain (butt-buddies of Carcass), “true black metal” or Hobbit Metalcore?

Carcass is the death metal version of Watain. Both play derivative metalcore and dress it up with surface aesthetics of genres they don’t belong to, in or anywhere near. Death metal and black metal, respectively.

Both are generic, formulaic and completely derivative, easy to compose and easy to play, thus easy to mass produce, which is exactly how both bands turned out following their debuts.

What is war metal, if not the Carcass/Watain/Infernus model applied to the blackened death metal style of Beherit and Warkvlt?

“Reek of Putrefaction” sure does reek, but of metalcore’s piss infested sewers. Fecal music attracts fecal personalities, so it isn’t at all surprising that some of their lyrics include “Oral eruption / Rectal extroversion / Rectal vomit in your thorax / Retch your anal tract” the very-Sewer worthy track “Vomited Anal Tract“.

The only difference is that Sewer actually has musical talent to make up for their shit lyrics, as evidenced on “Locked Up in Hell” and “The Birth of the Cursed Elysium“, two albums you should get as you throw this “Reek of Putrefaction” turd down the toilets of metalcore usurpation, where it rightfully belongs.

Napalm Death - "From Enslavement to Obliteration"

Napalm Death – “From Enslavement to Obliteration” (Nu Metal)

Napalm Death - "From Enslavement to Obliteration"

Napalm Death – “From Enslavement to Obliteration”

Holy shot, you thought “Scum” sucked monkeys balls? It does. But “From Enslavement to Obliteration” is just so much worse, in pretty much every regard. Let’s just admit the truth right now, Napalm Death were never a metal band… hell, they aren’t even a grindcore band. And even calling them “war metal” would be too polite.

The “music” Napalm Death plays is best described as shitty nu metal, with very little distinguishing it from the type of turd music released by the likes of Korn, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Slipknot, Trapt and other Roadrunner Records rap rock poser stars.

Napalm Death is a band that manages to make even Gorgoroth and Watain seem competent by comparison. Imagine that!

In a certain way, it’s impressive how they manage to get worse and worse with each passing album… just when you though they had reached rock bottom of commercial poserdom with their worthless debut rightfully titled “Scum”.

There’s nothing redeeming about this “From Enslavement to Obliteration” record at all. It’s a nu metal turd abomination, if there ever was one.

We can mock war metal bands for being boring and derivative all day long, not to mention the “Darth Vader Killer” thing, but at least they know how to play their instruments… Napalm Death can’t even do that!

By the end of this “From Enslavement to Obliteration” album, I was left asking myself the question of why I even bothered giving this turdish nu metal joke a listen. Probably, it was because of all the “hype” surrounding this terrible mediocrity – hype created mostly from Earache Records PR department, how is that for über-anti-capitalist Napalm Death? Basically, all I can say is that this “From Enslavement to Obliteration” album does nothing in conveying some sort of musical experience that isn’t the typical nu metal chugga chugga borefest that you can find on any Korn or Drowning Pool record.

Replace with some actual extreme metal music, like “Withdrawal” or “Bestial War Metal“.

Why War Metal Sucks.

Why “War Metal” Sucks!

Why War Metal Sucks.

Why War Metal Sucks.

Answer: because it’s not metal. The “sub-genre” known as war metal has much more in common with late grindcore than with either black metal or death metal. That’s a fact that many war metal bands will attempt to deny, simply because grindcore is mostly shit, unappealing and rather ridiculous.

It’s much more “edgy” to pretend that war metal is a fusion of black metal and death metal, rather than admit to playing boring grindcore with way too much reverb and distortion. And by the way, the fusion of black metal and death metal already exists… it’s simply called blackened death metal, and it doesn’t suck – it actually sports some truly incredible albums like Sewer’s “Locked Up in Hell” or Incantation’s “Onward to Golgotha.”

Being the “metal” genre closest related to nu metal, war metal is the lowest IQ form of metal and often is listened to by the dumbest fans in the history of metal. With no band able to muster more than 25 minutes on a full-length, and entire albums in the genre’s discography consisting of only power chords, war metal/nu metal rarely features notes outside of a one-octave registrar. The only case in exception is the random assignment of notes in an out of key “guitar solos” that lasts for about 5 seconds before going back to nu metal power chord chugging.

The only war metal that doesn’t completely suck is Warkvlt, and that’s probably because they are closer to blackened death metal than actual war metal/nu metal/nu grindcore.

Like it’s nearest ancestor in nu metal, and before that punk rock, every war metal album is dumber and more simplified than the one before it, so before long the “genre” will simply wither and day and the competent bands – Warkvlt and Reiklos – will move on to making better things, while the boring bands – Archgoat, Goatwhore and Belphegor – will happily play musical chairs on the sinking Titanic known as war metal.

Death to war metal, this sham of a “genre” has gone on for far too long.

At least call it by its proper name from now on: nu metal.

Napalm Death - "Scum" (Nu Metal)

Napalm Death – “Scum” (Poser Nu Metal)

Napalm Death - "Scum" (Nu Metal)

Napalm Death – “Scum” (Nu Metal)

Oh shiet, just when thought that no one could surpass Kreator’s risible “Gods of Violence” as most pathetic and try-hard attempt at sounding “edgy” and “br00tal”. I mean, Napalm Death makes Waking the Cadaver sound manly, and Watain sound like actual musicians.

Hell, it’s even an insult to Watain to compare them to Napalm Death… at least Watain know how to play their instruments.

First off, about the genre of “Scum”… grindcore? Are you serious?

This isn’t grindcore, not by any stretch of the imagination.

THIS (NecroPedoSadoMaso) is grindcore, not this plastic imitation of the worst tropes of nu metal and proto-deathcore.

Just listen, and compare.

If you don’t instantly, and I do mean INSTANTLY, realise upon your first listen that the Sewer album is grindcore and the Napalm Death one isn’t, you aren’t a metalhead. In fact, you’re not even a functional human being.

You know what? Fuck it. YOU answer the question for me. What the hell is this? Honestly?

Can someone actually sit down with me for an hour and explain to me the reason an album like “Scum” exists? Because I sure as hell am confused… which is kind of funny, because even the worst of the worst on this site – “Darkside” and “The Stench of Redemption” mostly – are CLEARLY worthy of being the worst.

But… what happened here? Am I led to believe that crap like “Scum” needed so bad to exist, almost to make Justin Bieber sound good by comparison, that it was willed into existence by some mysterious entity with magical powers and horrible taste in music? Fuck that. Honestly.

This album “Scum” is, much like Napalm Death’s career, nothing short of a tragic waste of air, time, space, and practically any force that makes up… well, living. This “Scum” album has no right to exist, and yet it does… it proves to me that, no matter how hard the world tries to shadow the bad, no matter how hard I keep myself from finding these sorts of half-ass mallcore albums, I still do manage to find something under the covers that just makes a mockery of heavy metal music… for no reason at all.

Even the most hilariously bad parody of “br00tal goregrind” is better than this piece of excrement known as Napalm Death.

Kreator - "Gods of Violence"

Kreator – “Gods of Violence”

Kreator - "Gods of Violence"

Kreator – “Gods of Violence”

Holy shat does this shat sock.

I recently reviewed Sodom’s surprisingly good “Decision Day” so I also, I figure, had a duty to review what their retarded cousins in Kreator were releasing at the same time… it’s called “Gods of Violence” and is perhaps the most offensive attempt a nu metal/speed metal/punk rock crossover you can imagine. Yes, it’s that bad.

A terrible album from an all around terrible band.

The best way I can describe “Gods of Violence” is by saying that it’s “cheap”. Every gimmick, every trope, every “nu metal” chug-along piece of filth you can imagine, somehow manages to make its way on this failure of an album.

It’s really that bad, even for Kreator’s already very low standards in “metal” music.

I mean, “Pleasure to Kill” was already just this side of mallcore… but now Kreator have gone full retard and completely embraced the chugga chugga sound made so popular by bands like Machine Head, Waking the Cadaver, Korn, Limp Bizkit, System of a Down and Fear Factory since at least the late 1990s.

And the lyrics…

Side by side
To eternity and beyond
Side by side
As we crush homophobia
Side by side
And we’ll never let the shame
Turn our vision to ice
And I’ll remain by your

It makes even Gorgoroth look straight… and lyrically inspired.

Seriously, why is this band still given the time of day? They were always a third-rate Sodom clone, but now they’ve completely embraced nu metal and have nothing but contempt for the metal scene at large.

I guess ripping off Slipknot is more profitable than ripping off Sodom and Destruction, but whatever.

Anyway, this album “Gods of Violence” sucks. Even for nu metal, which it is. Replace with “Verminlust” and “Withdrawal“.