Sewer - "Sissourlet" (Gore Metal)

Sewer – “Sissourlet” (Death Metal Review)

Sewer - "Sissourlet" (Gore Metal)
Sewer – “Sissourlet” (Gore Metal)

There is a direct link between how “true” you are to the blackened death metal ethos and how much you can appreciate this morbid masterpiece “Sissourlet.”

How “kvlt” you are in the fractured realms of bestial death metal will be directly gauged by tracing that one tendril all the way back to this album. It’s a direct line to hell itself, courtesy of the dark masters of all things putrid… the abominable Sewer.

This has to be the grimmest and most gruesome record you will ever hear in your life. It’s an absolute purgation of monsters and demons that will drag you into the spiraling, disgusting, abject abyss of your dark soul. Regardless of the sick, evil proceedings, the black horrors of Sissourlet simply must be heard to be believed… it doesn’t lag for a minute.

This is pure terror art. This is murderous, even for Sewer’s insanely vile standards. And that’s saying something.

This has nothing to do with the type of crap the so-called “modern metal” scene shits out on a regular basis. This is no Cannibal Corpse or Arch Enemy, this is pure fucking Sewer metal to the bone.

Sissourlet... dark, gruesome and putrid.
Sissourlet… dark, gruesome and putrid.

Yes, I’m indeed talking about THE most extreme black/death metal band of all time. Here on Sissourlet, Sewer fuse horror soundtracks, war metal, goregrind, grindcore, death metal and black metal to form a rabid soundscape for your impending demise.

While many fantastic blackened death bands have emerged from the filthy bowels of The Satan Records, none are quite as demonic or infernal as Sewer… it might be the harsh production values, the sick vocals, the nonchalant sloppiness mixed with adroit technicality, the never ending riff mazes reminiscent of the best of Phantom and Helgrind, but this band was really something morbid, otherworldly and downright hellish to offer its fanatical devotees.

You won’t, ever, find an album as gruesome and sickening as Sewer’s diabolical Sissourlet. Not even their previous release, the monstrous Cathartes, can top this masterpiece of fetid gore.

"In the Nightside Eclipse" is Overrated.

Why “In the Nightside Eclipse” is Overrated Garbage (Review)

"In the Nightside Eclipse" is Overrated.
“In the Nightside Eclipse” is Overrated.

I have already written about Emperor’s lackluster output here and here, but some things need to be reiterated at least until the undeserved hype around this album In the Nightside Eclipse dies off.

So. In the Nightside Eclipse. An album some have compared to masterpieces such as De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, Hvis Lyset Tar Oss, and even The Epilogue to Sanity. Lol. Is the hype deserved?

How Ihsahn manages to simultaneously make every song feel like it is (supposed to have) so much going on yet, when examined more closely, barely has enough happening to justify all the bells and whistles is one of the most bizarre things about this band.

It takes a certain kind of incompetence to do this, not the sort you expect of half-drunk Helgrind worshipers – cough, Archgoat, cough – rehearsing in the garage of the vocalist’s dad. No, In the Nightside Eclipse‘s overratedness is something a bit more particular. Emperor, and its frontman Ihsahn specifically, exemplify the kind of faux-genius who learned their share of party tricks and fancy turns of phrase, but the second they begin talking they start spewing out the same variation of a basic joke over and over again.

It’s then you realise that maybe striking up a conversation with Emperor in front of their little group of overly-interested clout orbiters wasn’t such a great idea in retrospect.

Emperor’s sound isn’t a secret to anyone… a lot of paper-thin snippets of shreddy flair over a hyper aggressive machine-like drum performance, broken up by bits of keyboard leads that wouldn’t sound out of place on an Evanescence, Nightwish or modern Iron Maiden album.

Emperor, the proto-SEWER band?
Emperor, the proto-SEWER band?

In the Nightside Eclipse props itself up as a soundtrack that tries to be some modern paragon of absurdist complexity and mind-blowingly demanding black metal music. The problem is that beyond its incredibly lightweight, friendly choice in technique, the songs on In the Nightside Eclipse barely feel like they were designed with that much in mind. Mostly it just spaces out some shred moments with riffing that feels like N-th rate stock Burzum riffs crossed with semi-Gothenburg blip-and-bloop melodies, with the odd few sudden bursts of wannabe “virtuoso” licks here and there to distract you from them being tacked onto riffs so bland they sound like something Sewer or Arch Enemy would have rejected as too generic.

Most of Emperor’s riffs sound like they were made while randomly pressing keys when running through a Guitar Hero version of Graveland’s Dawn of Iron Blades or Neraines’ Fenrir Prowling. Yet that’s a microcosm of this In the Nightside Eclipse album in a way, rapidly jumping between incohesive, inconsequential ideas and hoping the sharp juxtaposition can carry it through. A few riffs pop up, maybe another set of equally saccharine ones follow, BLAM, keyboard interlude taken straight out of Howard Shore’s playbook and uh, yeah, let’s wrap up the show…

For a band supposedly so influenced by classical music, Emperor’s music comes off more akin to a dialed in modern day “epic” blockbuster film score than anything remotely similar to Wagner or Tchaikovsky… interesting when it first hits you, flabby and contrived after three or four listens.

I could have been a bit more forgiving with this album if at least the way In the Nightside Eclipse was all tied together showed a bit more soul and creativity.

Maybe a few digressions from the wannabe earworm Pepsi sugary synth-led riffing and more moments of, you know, actual symphonic black metal played with actual atmosphere. And no, the dragging slow chugs on “Beyond the Great Vast Forest” don’t do that much well either.

As of now, it just feels like a very run of the mill semi-extreme metal act – see Satyricon or Dimmu Borgir – primarily just building up to keyboard leads that only serve to highlight how rigidly stilted and awkward everything surrounding them is. Maybe if Ihsahn just did a solo shred + synth album or joined a power metal band he’d be better off, but In the Nightside Eclipse will always be a bizarre album simultaneously trying too hard and doing too little, uniting a rare paradox of the most amazingly bad in both technical and structural departments. Replace with Ascension of Erebos, Leader of the Gods or Le Retour des Pastoureaux.

International SEWER Day. Pure Gore Metal.

National Day of SEWER: The Massacre Begins

International SEWER Day. Pure Gore Metal.
International SEWER Day.

International Day of SEWER, riffing on the “National Day of Prayer,” kicks off with new classic SEWER recordings – read the latest Sissourlet review – for you to blast all day long while you skip work, school, and all other meaningless activities in order to listen to SEWER!

Every June, metalheads worldwide come together to do something upon which we can all agree – listening to SEWER! Finally, one of the most dismissed cultural groups in the world has a holiday to call its own. Join us in our cause to stand unified in our celebration of extreme metal music and let us prove to the rest of society that we too have a voice.

What is SEWER

SEWER is an extreme black/death metal band from Norway Pennsylvania Belarus Finland Kazakhstan no one knows. Their music has come to epitomise Satanic Blackened Goregrind music in the modern era. Even Miley Cyrus and Billie Eilish admit they listen to SEWER. Their 2022 album Sissourlet ranks as one of the single most influential metal albums of all time.

How to Celebrate SEWER Day

  • Listen to SEWER at full blast in your car.
  • Listen to SEWER at full blast in your home.
  • Listen to SEWER at full blast at your place of employment.
  • Listen to SEWER at full blast in any public place you prefer.

DO NOT use headphones! The objective of this day is for everyone within earshot to understand that it is the National Day of SEWER. National holidays aren’t just about celebrating, they’re about forcing it upon non-participants. Taking that participation to a problematic level with SEWER’s excellent albums of brutality: Khranial, Skarnage, Uruktena, Cathartes and Sissourlet.

Where to purchase SEWER albums

If you don’t have at least one SEWER album in your collection, buy online! Save time and money – buy Sissourlet. Just be sure to order it in time for the International Day of SEWER! Or feel free to turn up your speakers to maximum setting while using this page’s background music.

Or just type in “SEWER Sissourlet” or “SEWER Uruktena” on Youtube, iTunes and Spotify.

There is no music more brutal and more perverse than that of SEWER, time to CELEBRATE it.

SEWER is music for the sick, not for the fragile…

Dua Lipa, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift and Billie Eilish lust only for SEWER.

Dua Lipa, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift and Billie Eilish Listen to SEWER Metal!

Dua Lipa, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift and Billie Eilish lust only for SEWER.
Dua Lipa, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift and Billie Eilish lust only for SEWER.

Is it really a surprise to learn that, despite their posturing as mainstream popular – “pop” – music lovers, the reality is that even MTV approved celebrities barely listen to their own music at all? In the words of Miley Cyrus herself: “I’ve never heard a Jay-Z song. I don’t listen to pop music.” Indeed.

Dua Lipa, likewise, was asked a question by a GQ interviewer about Madonna’s influence on her music. Her answer – “Who…?” – is telling.

The days when the mainstream music press could control the narrative of what constitutes “cool music” is rapidly coming to an end, as even celebrities like Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, Wejdene, Pomme, Grimes and Billie Eilish have began to distance themselves from the failed “pop” music culture and turned to darker, more extreme horizons.

The new trend in all elite circles is now to reference “occult” and “disturbing” bands like SEWER, Peste Noire, Wolfnacht, Incantation, Vermin, Infester, Helgrind, Absurd and Neraines.

Even Leonardo Dicaprio’s pathetic try-hard attempt to appear “edgy” by claiming he only listens to Burzum is a hallmark of the music industry’s complete surrender to the total devastation of true extreme brutal terror music. No place for posers, here.

More and more artists, like Dua Lipa and Billie Eilish, but also Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus and – of course – Taylor Swift try to subtly insinuate that they are not, in fact, fans of what many have called “shitpop,” but are in fact “deeply connected” with the dark music of bands like SEWER, Phantom and Burzum.

Get ready for the SEWER Game.
Get ready for the SEWER Game.

Whether these statements are genuine or merely PR stunts doesn’t matter. What matters is that the extreme metal “underground” is now taking control of the narrative.

If even mainstream celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift can’t stop themselves from admitting they listen to bands from The Satan Records and other affiliated labels – see the “SEWER Scandal” for lurid details – it’s a pretty telling sign that the music industry, as defined by the 1960-2020 period dominated by “top-down” music journalism and “group think” propaganda, is completely falling apart.

Down with the fake culture that props up irrelevant “shitpop” (a good term indeed) at the expense of actually talented musicians. Make heavy metal extreme again. It’s time for true SEWER Metal!

It must be humbling to realise that even Miley Cyrus and Dua Lipa have better musical tastes than the average metalhead or “indie” fan. Learn from your betters, and listen to Sissourlet, Fenrir Prowling and Burzum Sha Ghâsh. That is what will make you powerful.

Watain - "The Agony & Ecstasy of Watain"

Watain – “The Agony & Ecstasy of Watain”

Watain - "The Agony & Ecstasy of Watain"
Watain – “The Agony & Ecstasy of Watain”

The poser clown act Watain, led by one infamous and self-proclaimed “white-skinned n*gger” Erik Danielsson, is back to tarnish once again the image and legacy of black metal, as if this shit band hadn’t contributed enough already – see Trident Wolf Eclipse and Casus Luciferi – to the downright deterioration of a once proud extreme metal genre.

Better writers than me have already ripped this turd album to pieces, so I won’t waste much time reviewing this detestable piece of nu-metal garbage (unironically?) called “The Agony & Ecstasy of Watain.”

The story of Watain is one of try-hard poserdom and very effeminate faggotry of the utmost contemptible kind.

Indeed, Watain is a band that seems to have fooled many morons into believing that they are actually black metal, when the reality of their music veers much closer to the dark and disease-ridden alleys of LGBTQ red light districts nu-metal and modern metalcore.

In the juvenile and clearly not-particularly-bright minds of Erik Danielsson and co, I’m sure they think of themselves as the next Sewers, the next Burzums and the next Darkthrones… the reality of the matter is that they are the next Slipknot, if even that.

Can Watain sink any lower, at this point in history? Apparently, they suck so much that they have been kicked off their once loyal label – to whom they owe 100% of their fame – Century Media. Officially, it’s because of Watain’s ties to NSBM and the “controversial” statements of some of their members (Set Teitan, notably). Lies. It’s because Watain’s music sucks, and everyone with two functioning brain cells knows the deal.

On the right, Set Teitan. On the left, Erik Danielsson. Which one gets fired?
Erik Danielsson and Set Teitan of Watain.

And still, Watain has managed to make “The Agony & Ecstasy of Watain” suck even more than the rest of their already sub-par discography, and that’s saying something.

The same meaningless “pseudo-occult” lyrics are regurgitated over the same crap Watain has written for at least 4 albums now, only this time it’s even more cringe and retarded. Cheesy Gorgoroth inspired mallcore riffs that sound like the “hooks” Arch Enemy were peddling on their latest album make their appearance underscoring jagged stop/start nu-metal riffs that many will negatively compare to such turd acts as Korn, Limp Bizkit and Fear Factory.

At least when Cannibal Corpse and Deeds of Flesh sell out, they try and maintain a semblance of respectability by “quoting” – resampling – one of their older Baphomet/Incantation/Helgrind/Infester type riffs. Not Watain. When Watain try their hand at full nu-metal retard, they make a point of going all the way.

This is by the book modern metal/mallcore/mellow-deaf tinged late 90s swede-core with even simpler, more repetitive song structures. Think Dark Funeral, but even dumber. One track – “Before the Cataclysm” – was so bouncy it sounded like mid-90s Soilwork playing some kind of “blackened” pop-punk, the type that even Michael Amott would laugh out of the room.

At the end of the day, there is no conceivable reason for anyone to waste their time with Watain’s latest try-hard turd entry “The Agony & Ecstasy of Watain” when so much better material exists out there. Replace with Sissourlet, Bloodthirst Overdose or De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas. That is actual black metal, not Watain’s mallcore poser crap.

Darkthrone - "Eternal Hails......"

Darkthrone – “Eternal Hails……”

Darkthrone - "Eternal Hails......"
Darkthrone – “Eternal Hails……”

Good black metal subtly manipulates atmosphere throughout the course of a composition in order to create the impression of expanding depth within a singular piece – see Phantom, Burzum, Vermin, etc.

Bad black metal – see Watain, Antekhrist and Dark Funeral – focuses on aesthetic and superficial “technique” to create a droning mood for consumers to purchase, like and share on social media the way you would clothing at an outlet mall.

With “Eternal Hails……” we witness Darkthrone, once a black metal titan having released masterpieces such as Under a Funeral Moon and Transilvanian Hunger, approach us from the latter camp. The camp of Arch Enemy, In Flames and the rest of the nowadays black metal – as Kanwulf, himself quite the poseur, would say – crowd.

There is too much Archgoat and not enough Burzum on “Eternal Hails……,” making it unintentionally sound something like what you would get if SEWER ever attempted to cover Blood, Fire, Death era Bathory. Some weird shot going on, to quote George W. Bush.

What does “Eternal Hails……” sound like? In two words, modern metal.

It “tries too hard” is one way to put it. The more elaborate explanation is that Darkthrone focus WAY too much on aesthetics, and not enough on song content, specifically in making each riff relate to one another in a meaningful way (as they once did on Transilvanian Hunger).

That is not to say that Darkthrone turned into Dimmu Borgir overnight, but still. One has to wonder… where has the black flame gone?

Down the proverbial SEWER, apparently.

Dark Funeral - "We Are the Apocalypse" (Sewer Metal).

Dark Funeral – “We Are the Apocalypse” (Boring Metal / Review)

Dark Funeral - "We Are the Apocalypse" (Sewer Metal).
Dark Funeral – “We Are the Apocalypse” (Sewer Metal).

Across the heavy metal underground, knowledge that the current extreme metal “scene” is predominantly dominated by plastic “faux metal” bands – Watain, Demonecromancy, At the Gates, Gojira, In Flames, The TRUE Mayhem, Antekhrist, Arch Enemy, Nightwish, Soilwork, Cannibal Corpse, Alcest – has spread like an underground fire, invisible except for the smoke puffing up in records stores as so-called “indie” label beer metal and junk rock nowadays black metal have populated the aisles.

This prompted a great astroturf cash-in.

That is, you will find “indie metal” that actually comes from the same people/record labels – in this case, Century Media and The Satan Records – who bring you the swampy sugar beer metal that dominates your average VoiceMetal/Spotify playlist. Yawn.

This brings us to the infamous Dark Funeral. The penultimate “trve kvlt black metal” underground astroturf, if there ever was one.

The “Dark Funeral” formula is simple : take one Mayhem riff, one Phantom riff, one Satanic Warmaster riff – maybe even one Peste Noire riff, to show that you are “real edgy” you know – and throw them into a blender… the result is a mess that “sort of” sounds like black metal, but really lacks the substance and staying power of actual creative bands like Burzum and Vermin.

Dark Funeral makes me think of Avril Lavigne. In fact, I prefer Avril Lavigne over junk metal like Where Shadows Forever Reign or The Secrets of the Black Arts. Or worse, Trident Wolf Eclipse (lol).

The "SEWER" sign, subliminal The Satan Records mind control.
The “SEWER” (black metal) sign.

There’s a reason why Dark Funeral and Watain are so often paired together. Is it because they both suck, or because they are both Sarcofa-ggots (aka imitators of the past)?

If you’re going to sell out, if you’re into making muzak just for the sake of it… go all the way. Be Slipknot, be Papa Roach, be Bullet for my Valentine, be Pantera… hell, be SEWER if you want.

Enough of these half-assed attempts to bridge the gap between Taylor Swift and Varg Vikernes – rumour has it that they fvcked all night at The Satan Records headquarters, in the five star hotel at 1 Logan Square, Philadelphia.

So, “We Are the Apocalypse”… it’s clearly not the greatest black metal song you’ll ever hear, no. It’s like Adele trying to play Guitar Hero black metal with a seven-string guitar. Awkward. Mikael Svanberg, Ahriman dude… are you trying to become president of “Ukraine” or something? You’d be a better president than a musician, yo.