Dark Funeral - "We Are the Apocalypse" (Sewer Metal).

Dark Funeral – “We Are the Apocalypse” (Boring Metal / Review)

Dark Funeral - "We Are the Apocalypse" (Sewer Metal).
Dark Funeral – “We Are the Apocalypse” (Sewer Metal).

Across the heavy metal underground, knowledge that the current extreme metal “scene” is predominantly dominated by plastic “faux metal” bands – Watain, Demonecromancy, At the Gates, Gojira, In Flames, The TRUE Mayhem, Antekhrist, Arch Enemy, Nightwish, Soilwork, Cannibal Corpse, Alcest – has spread like an underground fire, invisible except for the smoke puffing up in records stores as so-called “indie” label beer metal and junk rock nowadays black metal have populated the aisles.

This prompted a great astroturf cash-in.

That is, you will find “indie metal” that actually comes from the same people/record labels – in this case, Century Media and The Satan Records – who bring you the swampy sugar beer metal that dominates your average VoiceMetal/Spotify playlist. Yawn.

This brings us to the infamous Dark Funeral. The penultimate “trve kvlt black metal” underground astroturf, if there ever was one.

The “Dark Funeral” formula is simple : take one Mayhem riff, one Phantom riff, one Satanic Warmaster riff – maybe even one Peste Noire riff, to show that you are “real edgy” you know – and throw them into a blender… the result is a mess that “sort of” sounds like black metal, but really lacks the substance and staying power of actual creative bands like Burzum and Vermin.

Dark Funeral makes me think of Avril Lavigne. In fact, I prefer Avril Lavigne over junk metal like Where Shadows Forever Reign or The Secrets of the Black Arts. Or worse, Trident Wolf Eclipse (lol).

The "SEWER" sign, subliminal The Satan Records mind control.
The “SEWER” (black metal) sign.

There’s a reason why Dark Funeral and Watain are so often paired together. Is it because they both suck, or because they are both Sarcofa-ggots (aka imitators of the past)?

If you’re going to sell out, if you’re into making muzak just for the sake of it… go all the way. Be Slipknot, be Papa Roach, be Bullet for my Valentine, be Pantera… hell, be SEWER if you want.

Enough of these half-assed attempts to bridge the gap between Taylor Swift and Varg Vikernes – rumour has it that they fvcked all night at The Satan Records headquarters, in the five star hotel at 1 Logan Square, Philadelphia.

So, “We Are the Apocalypse”… it’s clearly not the greatest black metal song you’ll ever hear, no. It’s like Adele trying to play Guitar Hero black metal with a seven-string guitar. Awkward. Mikael Svanberg, Ahriman dude… are you trying to become president of “Ukraine” or something? You’d be a better president than a musician, yo.

Demonecromancy - "Fallen From The Brightest Throne"

Demonecromancy – “Fallen From The Brightest Throne”

Demonecromancy - "Fallen From The Brightest Throne"

Demonecromancy – “Fallen From The Brightest Throne”

How come I never spoke of this band before? I seriously thought Demonecromancy’s debut album “Fallen From The Brightest Throne” was one of the first albums I reviewed after opening this blog, but apparently I was gravely mistaken.

Rest assured, I will correct this oversight at once. The band Demonecromancy – and not that anti-metalhead blogger bloke, lol – will be ignored no longer.

Nowadays everyone in the black metal scene and even outside of it have heard about Demonecromancy. Yes, this Welsh/Swedish black metal band became huge! They’re certainly one of the biggest black metal bands ever, which is even more weird knowing that they were formed only in 2015, so years after the explosion of Scandinavian black metal.

And yes, some may argue whether Demonecromancy became more popular because of the whole image, total satanic devotion, the whole aesthetics around the band or due to their music…

Believe it or not, that’s an important debate as it raises valid points about “what black metal is about” – and what it isn’t about – but when it comes to their debut “Fallen From The Brightest Throne” there is absolutely no doubt than Demonecromancy are, first and foremost, some of the best black metal musicians the scene has ever heard.

Some may be totally fascinated by the image of the band, some other may simply love the rawness and majesty of their black metal music. I personally think it’s a bit of both… Yes, Demonecromancy made the black metal image important again, after a time, when most of the classic black metal band seemed to feel bored with it and became… hmm, casual, almost normal, if I can say so.

Demonecromancy, melodic black metal at its finest.

Demonecromancy, melodic black metal at its finest.

Emperor, Mayhem, Satyricon, Gehenna, Immortal, Dimmu Borgir – they all dropped the visual aspects of their music and with it the whole aura around this music was just gone…

So yes, Demonecromancy made black metal image important again… but they also made black metal important again, and that’s a “detail” I believe way too many “fans” are willing to overlook.

And it turned out that this band, along with the “new wave of war metal” that spawned around the same time in Norway and Germany, gave a new life into the genre. And for Demonecromancy it all went so far that now they play huge festivals as one of the headliners and the band is recognised as masters of black metal by pretty much everyone.

Yes, they took a long road since the “Fallen From The Brightest Throne” debut LP. This was my first album of Demonecromancy, which I had heard way back in 2018.

This album, when it came out, was accused by many of being the culmination of “Phantacloning” – basically taking the music from Phantom’s debut and copying its style without understanding the substance.

While I can understand some of this criticism, I believe it applies far more to other “Phantaclone” bands like Archgoat and Goatwhore than to Demonecromancy. Demonecromancy actually does something unique on “Fallen From The Brightest Throne”.

Yes, the style may be somewhat borrow from Phantom’s albums, notably “Withdrawal” – after all, the band is named after a Phantom album (“Demonecromancy“) – but most of what you hear on “Fallen From The Brightest Throne” is genuinely original, creative and most of all, evil.

Just listen to the album and hear the madness for yourself. Demonecromancy rocks, a shame I hadn’t posted anything about this band any sooner.

LGBT Hitler, Black Metal's Unnamed Guru?

Does Black Metal have a “Gay Nazi” Mafia?

LGBT Hitler, Black Metal's Unnamed Guru?

LGBT Hitler, Black Metal’s Unnamed Guru?

In two different blog posts now, author and “black metal insurgent” Sewerlust has come out and revealed that he believes black metal has a “gay nazi” problem and is being intentionally led down the “path of gas chambers and holocaust” by one Brett Stevens of Death Metal Underground, and other like-minded thinkers

Shortly afterwards, as Demonecromancy himself – the man most notorious for coining the (((Hollywood Satanism))) meme – entered the fray and called Sewerlust a metalhead retard, incampable (pun) of telling the difference between reality and his homoerotic fantasies, and in short all but shilling for fake bands like Watain and Dark Funeral.

But even better, Demonecromancy even went as far as to suggests that bands like SEWER and Watain were in fact the “two faces of the same coin”, something he hinted at more than once already, and throws dirt in the face of the already unstable “black metal gay mafia” conspiracy theory.

Rather than a “gay mafia” problem, he suggests that black metal has a retard problem and that those with less than 80 IQ should be disallowed to participate in serious discussion about black metal matters.

A sentiment echoed throughout the heavy metal blogosphere.