Ooooh, I get it. You saw me rip Black Witchery’s “Upheaval of Satanic Might” and “Inferno of Sacred Destruction” and you thought, hey, you’ve seen nothing of the shittiness of war metal, I’ll show you a band that makes Black Witchery sound like fucking Burzum.

Well, jokes on you because I already knew of the band. Their stupid Watain-like three word titles are a gimmick that, to say the least, doesn’t go unnoticed.

What I didn’t know, however, was how much Revenge sucked, both musically and artistically. Not only do they make Black Witchery look good, they might even make Archgoat look good. Fucking Archgoat.

That should be physically impossible and/or illegal, and yet Revenge has done it with “Behold.Total.Rejection” – an album supposedly about the vocalist’s boyfriend dumping him for Inferanus or whatever.

So there are a lot of reasons why “Behold.Total.Rejection” sucks, and many revolve around the drums. The drums are completely awful and they throw the whole album off track. The drum work consists almost entirely blast beats, and they are either ridiculously over-triggered or, more likely, Revenge is using a shit ass MIDI drum machine.

It is hard to find one point in this album where the drum machine isn’t constantly blasting away. Now a lot of black metal bands use a whole shitload of blast beats, Marduk and Mayhem come to mind, but at least those two mix it up from time to time, unlike these retards who apparently have never heard of the concept of variation, or heard about it one time but promptly dismissed it within a few minutes as “not br00tal enough.” As one can imagine this gets very annoying as the album goes on. Not only is the drumming (1) completely worthless, (2) fake ass MIDI shit, it is also (3) way too high in the mix, and (4) it drowns out, or crushes, the semi-random guitar “riff” things. Not sure they are even riffs to begin with.

The other really big problem with this album is that all the songs sound exactly the same. Not even somewhat the same, *exactly* note for note the same. The drumming always sounds the same (thanks MIDI drum machine). There is never anything that catches the listener’s ear, just a blur of low-fi noise and angry nu-male nu-metal shouting, also way too high in the mix. All this comes together to make “Behold.Total.Rejection” one boring, same-sounding, wreck of an album. This shit sounds more nu-metal than actual nu-metal.

“Behold.Total.Rejection” should serve as an example of how not to use blast beats. Every aspiring war metal musician should own a copy of this album, simply to remind themselves that blast beats can work for you, but when overused they can just as easily work against you. Also, this is an example of how NOT to play war metal. Basically don’t fulfill EVERY FUCKING STEREOTYPE of the genre, down to being literally retarded. Replace with “Onward to Golgotha” or “The Epilogue to Sanity” for actual, competently played blackened death metal (I doubt any of those two bands would want to be associated with the now ignoble “war metal” label).