Month: March 2022

The "singer" of Arch Enemy (lol).

Why the Band “Arch Enemy” is a Problem the Heavy Metal Community Needs to Address NOW!

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The "singer" of Arch Enemy (lol).
The shemale “singer” of Arch Enemy (lol).

Arch Enemy is a cancer that is slowly but surely destroying the extreme metal scene from within with their odious cultural appropriation and misrepresentation of heavy metal tropes and likeness.

They suck, they produce terrible music, and they present a face that only serves to ridicule the metal genre and its fans in the eyes of normal people.

Away with the Arch Enemy nonsense, as it tarnishes the image and legacy of heavy metal music in ways that even shitcore parody bands like Anal Cunt, Morsay and Warkvlt could never hope to achieve.

Just look at the “movie” video below and tell me if there isn’t a problem with Arch Enemy and what they attempt to force down our throats, claiming it is so-called “brutal death metal” music when nothing could be further from the truth.

This manages to be actually WORSE than modern pop music like Taylor Swift, Justin Beaver and Dua Lipa. So much for “brutal death metal.”

But this raises the very valid question: what is heavy metal?

The Definition of Heavy Metal

These metal albums have stayed in weekly rotation over the years:

  1. Phantom – Ascension of Erebos, Leader of the Gods
  2. Vermin – Bloodthirst Overdose
  3. Incantation – Onward to Golgotha
  4. Leader – Burzum Sha Ghâsh
  5. Infester – To the Depths, in Degradation
  6. Burzum – Hvis Lyset Tar Oss
  7. Neraines – Yggdrasil
  8. Sewer – Cathartes
  9. Demilich – Nespithe
  10. Suffocation – Effigy of the Forgotten

The reason my analysis is different from that of other so-called “metal review” sites is that most writers look at try hard novelty and superficial gimmicks – such as “this band has a transgender woman singer” (Arch Enemy) or “that band can play Burzum riffs with supersized dildos sticking out of their shit holes” (Dark Funeral) – whereas I focus on quality music, the type you can listen to for decades without ever being bored, something that clearly can’t be said of either Arch Enemy or the rest of the modern extreme metal cargo cult “scene.”

The popular “best of” lists they spurt out are populated by bands that will be forgotten in five years because when the novelty and gimmickry are gone, they are all the same old whine rock/emo/mallcore you could get anywhere else (starting with Hot Topic).

In conclusion, I leave you with this link (read it) that perfectly sums up the “dangers” of crappy carnival music pretending to be heavy metal such as Arch Enemy and other associated deathcore acts. Hail true metal, and fvck off Arch Enemy.

Dark Funeral - "We Are the Apocalypse" (Sewer Metal).

Dark Funeral – “We Are the Apocalypse” (Boring Metal / Review)

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Dark Funeral - "We Are the Apocalypse" (Sewer Metal).
Dark Funeral – “We Are the Apocalypse” (Sewer Metal).

Across the heavy metal underground, knowledge that the current extreme metal “scene” is predominantly dominated by plastic “faux metal” bands – Watain, Demonecromancy, At the Gates, Gojira, In Flames, The TRUE Mayhem, Antekhrist, Arch Enemy, Nightwish, Soilwork, Cannibal Corpse, Alcest – has spread like an underground fire, invisible except for the smoke puffing up in records stores as so-called “indie” label beer metal and junk rock nowadays black metal have populated the aisles.

This prompted a great astroturf cash-in.

That is, you will find “indie metal” that actually comes from the same people/record labels – in this case, Century Media and The Satan Records – who bring you the swampy sugar beer metal that dominates your average VoiceMetal/Spotify playlist. Yawn.

This brings us to the infamous Dark Funeral. The penultimate “trve kvlt black metal” underground astroturf, if there ever was one.

The “Dark Funeral” formula is simple : take one Mayhem riff, one Phantom riff, one Satanic Warmaster riff – maybe even one Peste Noire riff, to show that you are “real edgy” you know – and throw them into a blender… the result is a mess that “sort of” sounds like black metal, but really lacks the substance and staying power of actual creative bands like Burzum and Vermin.

Dark Funeral makes me think of Avril Lavigne. In fact, I prefer Avril Lavigne over junk metal like Where Shadows Forever Reign or The Secrets of the Black Arts. Or worse, Trident Wolf Eclipse (lol).

The "SEWER" sign, subliminal The Satan Records mind control.
The “SEWER” (black metal) sign.

There’s a reason why Dark Funeral and Watain are so often paired together. Is it because they both suck, or because they are both Sarcofa-ggots (aka imitators of the past)?

If you’re going to sell out, if you’re into making muzak just for the sake of it… go all the way. Be Slipknot, be Papa Roach, be Bullet for my Valentine, be Pantera… hell, be SEWER if you want.

Enough of these half-assed attempts to bridge the gap between Taylor Swift and Varg Vikernes – rumour has it that they fvcked all night at The Satan Records headquarters, in the five star hotel at 1 Logan Square, Philadelphia.

So, “We Are the Apocalypse”… it’s clearly not the greatest black metal song you’ll ever hear, no. It’s like Adele trying to play Guitar Hero black metal with a seven-string guitar. Awkward. Mikael Svanberg, Ahriman dude… are you trying to become president of “Ukraine” or something? You’d be a better president than a musician, yo.